What's Next?
by sassier-than-death
Summary: Life's going to come with unexpected twists and turns and Clare Edwards knows all about those. But when it comes down to choosing between Jake, her fiancé and step brother, or Eli, the emo bad boy who's always popping up in her life, she will have to relive her high school experience to figure out which guy is her soul mate and the one thing that will help her decide is her diary.
1. THE QUESTION, THE DECISION, THE ANSWER!

A/N I love Degrassi and Eli Goldsworthy and I don't really want to portray him as a psychopath but I have to begin with

Disclaimer: I do not own degrassi though I wish I did

Later on in later chapters is my story but this is basically just a flashback! :)

UPDATE I'VE CHANGED IT A BIT JUST SO IT MAKES SENSE LATER ON

"I don't know what to say!"

He's gorgeous, so why can't I say yes? Okay yes apart from the small minor detail that he was my step brother.

But so what if he was my step brother, we started dating not long before our parents did. We never thought that they would ever get married and the fact that they did, didn't really stop us anyway. I feel like he is the one, but can I go through this knowing that my "Dad" was once his?

"Clare?" Jake is looking at me like I'm the one holding his life in my hands, all depending on that one answer. "Clare? Are you ok? You know that I can wait, if that's what you want?"

"Jake...Yes!" I'm so hoping that I've made the right decision.

Okay, so Jake was a family friend when I was younger but moved into the big city with his now divorced mom and dad. Before Jake moved back to Toronto, I went to Degrassi community school where I met my first ever boyfriend, K.C. We never worked out, but my second boyfriend Eli Goldsworthy, was my life. There was an ongoing feud between Eli and a guy called Fitz, who also stabbed Eli, but he became too obsessive, I mean he even crashed his own car (which he loved) into a wall just to keep me from ending it. He was totally messed up. His previous girlfriend had died right after they had a huge fight and I helped him through all the pain but I couldn't breathe, he was suffocating me. So spring break was my time away.

Coming back to school seeing Eli so cool with our break up hurt, a lot. The reason being was he was on anti-anxiety pills which gave him no emotions at all. But I met Jake Martin... where there was an obvious connection and fell deeply in love all for a causal relationship. And Eli was back stabbing me by writing the school play about our break up and portraying me as the psychopath. But he had Imogen and was totally over me.

Then Jake and I found out that our parents were dating and that my mums divorce was officially, so I broke it off with Jake feeling like our relationship was way much more than just casual. He wanted more too but it was going to be hard with our parents dating and all.

When the one night only play was being performed, Eli used Imogen to get back at me, who caused her to ditch the play leaving Fiona, a rich, alcoholic teen, to play the part of Clara. In the end Eli lost it in front of everyone, though only a few of us knew that it wasn't the new ending that he added in. He left school for a while, and during that time me and Jake got closer, but were starting to drift apart and I didn't want that to happen.

When Eli returned he wanted to apologise to all the people he hurt when he was off his anti-anxiety meds and saying that he now had bipolar. Fiona forgave him and in a chance for Jake to forgive him to, Eli trapped Jake and me in a steam room for us to work out our problems. I knew Eli still loved me it was obvious, but he wanted me to be happy and knew that I was happy with Jake.

Then the bombshell hit! My mom and Jake's Dad were getting married, which would make us step-siblings, and we were still dating. So I told them that I and Jake were dating for probably as long as they had and stormed out to the prom, where Jake officially broke up with me and my FTM transgender friend Adam got shot.

At the hospital I noticed that I still have feelings for Eli, though my feelings were stronger for Jake.

Jake left. To go work at a summer camp and live in his family cabin. We didn't talk at all that summer and I had told myself over and over that he was over me so I had to be over him too. All summer long. Then when he returned for our parents wedding, I knew that I was never going to be over him, and when he wanted to talk with me I panicked and said that we were over for good, which lead him to leave.

He ended up taking Alli, my best friend, Marisol, the school skank, Drew, the jock, and his girlfriend and new school president, Katie, to his cabin to have an end of year party without me, so I went with the other school skank, Bianca, to his cabin where I found him kissing Alli. So I ran off into the woods while everyone else freaked out about a stupid scary story that Jake told them to scare them. In the woods I hurt my hand and ran into Eli who had ridden his bike to the party and helped me with my hand, a bit.

I even thought about kissing him to get back at Jake, but him and Drew ended up running into us. When we got back to the cabin, Jake told me that kissing Alli was the biggest mistake in his life and he wasn't over me. After the night at the cabin I know knew that Jake was mine and Eli was cool with it though I would not be forgiving Alli anytime soon.

"Clare, are you sure that you want to marry me? I mean you've been through hell lately, and I don't want to tie US down if you're not okay with it." Jake really wanted the best for me, and after going over our first few years together, I think that I HAVE found that guy of my dreams...

Even if he was my step brother.


	2. AFTERWARDS

A/N SO Sorry for the REALLY LONG WAIT before I updated but I had no internet sorry again. Thanks to LoveIsAlwaysLouder, NCMSBear and Anonymous for my first ever reviews! :) I had trouble with this chapter I just couldn't stop think about the first two eps of season 11.5 :), and worrying about school :( (AUSTRALIAN)

p.s the next chapter two chapters were mostly written before the episodes came out so it's not the same as the eps. EEEEEEP so happy Jake and Clare broke up because he didn't want to have sex and she thought they would break up any way: D, so Jake is out and now Eli has a chance to get back with Clare YAY :)

pp.'s Clare is thinking about the past though it's still going to be in present tense.

Disclaimer: I don't own degrassi or any of its characters though the plot is all mine.

AFTERWARDS!

Junior year and I have everything. Jake, a chance at editor of the Degrassi Daily, a fresh new school year and all the people I needed for it to be amazing. Eli is being an awesome friend, totally fine with me being over him and being with Jake, and I even think he has finally taken interest in another girl. Stalker girl Imogen Moreno. She seems to know everything about everyone, especially people in my life. I remember once her asking me to tutor her on how to be me so that she could get Eli to love her. Crazy, right? Though she did help him start to get over me, but all to get him to like her. Hmmmmm maybe she's not right for him?

Eli and Adam are my best friends again; we are hanging out just like old times and imp loving it. Whenever I'm away from Jake, I'm with Eli and Adam either at the Dot or the abandoned Church. As time went on, work at the newspaper became hectic, there was more and more homework and less time to hang out with Jake, Adam and Eli, I became anxious about the relationship I had Jake. Mom and Glen were still going on about Jake and me breaking up, Mom more than Glen.

Over the next month I noticed that Eli was trying to stay away from Imogen and spending more time with Adam and I, making us worried, not that we didn't want him to hang out with us. I asked him what was up with him and Imo and he said

"Imogen has pushing me over the edge, dressing up like you saying that you hated me and didn't want to be my friend and that when we were dating you never loved me. And I am getting over you but with my bipolar, I just can't stand to hear stuff like that, and I'm hanging out with you more often because I need to know that she's lying and that you do want to be my friend."

"Of course I still want to be your friend and I would never hate you even after our fall out" I replied.

"And did you ever love me? When we were going out?"

"Eli, why would you even need to ask that question?" I asked.

"I just needed to know" he replied. And then he kissed me! I pulled away mortified, and he stalked off.

After that things got awkward between Eli and me. I didn't want to tell Jake or Adam about the kiss but I knew that I would have to eventually. When I told Adam, he wasn't surprised.

"I knew he wasn't over you, and he was upset about Imogen," he said, "just give him some space and he'll come around and apologise, don't worry." I thought Jake would be cool with the incident too, after the talk with Adam, but Jake flipped going off to find Eli.

When Jake found Eli, he pushed him into his locker yelling,

"Back off from Clare, she's my girlfriend and I don't want some guy liner wearing ego boy messing with our relationship, again." Eli stared in shock, but snapped back.

"It was an accident bro, just let it go. I was going to go apologise to Clare once school finished today. I just forgot my meds that day, okay?" Eli then stormed away, while Jake was left furious that he thinks this was over.

I never wanted that to happen. Jake is angry all the time, never leaving my side and making sure that I stay away from Eli, every chance he gets. And Eli. Well, Eli has been staying away from me too. I guess he knew that Jake was still angry. The only time Eli and I see each other is in English and not like we could just sit there and ignore each other. Mrs Dawes was always handing out new assignments and she decided at the beginning of the school year that our editing partners should be the same as last year causing English to be a rush to figure out how we were going to finish the assignment without having to see each other out of class.

When I walked into English, 1 week after the kissing incident, I sat down next to Adam, in my usual spot. When Eli walked in, he averted his eyes from me and just sat down. So I guess he's ignoring me now, great. Just as I'm about to ask Eli when this whole thing is going to blow over, Mrs Dawes walks into the room announcing our new assignment. It's a 300 word paper on what life is like in Degrassi, and as I lean forward to tap Eli on the shoulder, he turns around and sighs.

"This is not going to work" he exclaims.

"You're going to need my excellent editing skills though" I tease. He cracks that famous smirk that I once loved, and now that I think about, still love.

"I wish thing were different," he says sadly, "it would be a hell of a lot easier if we didn't have to rush to finish every assignment in 50 minutes."

"Yeah," I reply, thinking of any way that we might be able to do this assignment outside of school.

"Could you sneak away from Jake tonight and meet me at the Dot?"

"No, I can't. Jake and I are going to the movies tonight." I say sadly. "But after he's going over to Drew's place to play video games maybe I could meet up then?"

"That won't work either cause I'm going to be hanging out at Adams, though nowhere near Jake and Drew" he smirks.

"Well..." I think. "What if we used face range messenger

Later that night on face range.

eli-gold49: hi

clare-e23: hi

eli-gold49: so this is what I've got so far

eli-gold49: Degrassi isn't your average high school, with all the drama most would think that it isn't even one, though through all the shooting's, pregnancies, drugs and raping's, Degrassi is actually a good school. Now that Degrassi has become stricter due to the Las Vegas Dance issues, grades have improved and there have been fewer incidents. And once you look past all of the things that have happened, Degrassi is just a regular high school. But it's hard to look past all those things, giving Degrassi a reputation that most teachers wouldn't want this school to have.

eli-gold49: SO what do you think?

clare-e23: well...it's interesting but I think you will have to add more about the good things, like the talent in the school, the plays and more about the grades, if you are going to start the assignment off like that

As the time went by, and Eli and I were talking, I sent him my assignment and he gave me his advice which as usual was really good and helped me finish my assignment in the time we talked.

When Jake got home it told Eli I had to go

clare-e23: um I have to go

eli-gold49: bf back?

clare-e23: yeah

clare-e23: see you in English tomorrow?

eli-gold49: most likely :P

eli-gold49: you know...I'm really glad that we are able to be friends and I promise that nothing like what happened one week ago will happen again

clare-e23: I'm glad were friends too :)

eli-gold49: well bye

clare-e23: bye

The next day, we handed in our 300 word paper, and I was feeling like nothing could go wrong

Of course it's Degrassi so life is never uneventful


	3. INTERRUPTED

A/N I have no idea if anyone reads this anymore but after a year I think im gonna continue it

Its still flashbacks

Disclaimer: i dont own degrassi or any of it's characters though the plot is all mine

* * *

><p>I think I'm in love with Jake and … I think I'm ready to have sex with him.<p>

He has cooled down since the Eli incident and accepted that Eli and I are still friends.

The day I decided that it was the night, I had Eli and Adam over to do English homework and watch movies. Once they had left I went upstairs and set up my room with candles and music, then waited for Jake to come back from the Dot.

I went to the door when I heard him come inside.

"Hey"

"Hi." He didn't seem very happy.

"What's up?"

"Just school work."

"Well I have something that might cheer to you. Come upstairs."

He followed me upstairs to my room. He seemed confused when he saw all the candles.

"What's going on Clare?"

I led him over to the bed and sat him down.

"It's scary how much I like you. This is it, a once in a life time moment, something we can never take back and I'm so happy I've decided that it's going to be with you. Someone I love, who loves me, who I can be with forever. I know you've been waiting for a while now and I think I'm ready."

"Ready for what exactly?"

I gave him a look hoping he would finally get the message.

He leaned over and kissed me lightly. "Ohh… that. Are you sure?" He looked at me as if asking to continue.

I pushed my lips against his roughly and pushed him back onto the pillow.

"I'll take that as a yes" he said a little short of breath.

Our kissing got heavier and he grabbed my waist.

I heard a creak at the door and looked.

"Eli?"

ELI P.O.V

- 10 Minutes Earlier -

Eli knocked on the door but there is no answer so he knocked again. He knew Clare wasn't asleep, and even if she was, Jake was probably up. He tried the door knob to find that it is unlocked. Eli walked inside quietly, trying hard not to disturb anything. He just came for my phone and he would be out in less than 5 minutes.

Eli looked around the tv room, looking under the table and the couch. Maybe it fell out when he went to the bathroom.

So he went up the stairs, being as quiet as he could, and headed towards the bathroom. As he passed Clare's room he heard some slow music and low whispers.

"Someone I love, who loves me, who I can be with forever. I know you've been waiting for a while now and I think I'm ready."

"Ready for what exactly? ... Oh that, are you sure? ….. I'll take that as a yes."

He connected the dots and was so surprised. Clare and Jake were about to have sex.

Eli should have left straight away but he was so shocked that he couldn't move. What happened to her waiting till marriage, that's what she had always told him? He accidently leaned up against the door and opened it to the scene of Jake and Clare making out.

Clare looked up at him, her expression changing to surprise when she saw who it was.

"Eli?"

He started to walk out the door, almost tripping over trying to get out in a hurry, tears starting to form in his eyes. He didn't realise that he was still so in love with Clare until that moment.

"Eli! Wait!" He heard Clare say as he raced down the stairs and out the front door.

He got into his car and turned on the engine hastily, he didn't want Clare to see him crying. As he drove off he could see Clare standing at the front door watching him go.

CLARE P.O.V

I went back upstairs to Jake who was sitting up on my bed.

"Awkward" Jake said as I walked into the room.

"Yeah … Just a bit"

"I can't believe that just happened. Why the hell would he have been here?"

"He must have left something from when he was over here with Adam."

"Hmmm … Well I don't think we should let this ruin our night." Jake leaned in so that we could go from where we left off. I pushed him away worried about Eli.

"Clare come on. He'll get over it, you said he doesn't like you that way, right."

"Right." I turned to Jake and look him in the eyes. He smiles and kisses me deeply. He rolls me over so that I'm on my back and starts to take off his shirt. I've seen his abs before but never in such a moment like this. He brings his mouth back down onto mine and then starts to move his mouth to my collarbone. It tickles and I can't help myself but giggle. He looks up at me and seems to be happy that I am enjoying myself. He then goes back to kissing my shoulder and starts to move my shirt with his mouth. I push him off me.

"What?" he asks.

I move myself up a bit and take off my shirt leaving me in just my bra and shorts.

"That's better" I said as I bring by lips up to his. He grabs my waist and rolls over so that I'm onto of him.

The music changes to a slow but loud song and we start to get really into it, but not into it enough that I don't hear my Mum call out to us.

"Jake? Clare?"

Crap. We are so screwed.


	4. WHAT A DAY

**A/N** I'm Back YAY and I'm changing it up bit. From now on there is going to be parts that are going to be in the present in the form of diary entries but most of it will still be the flashbacks.

I don't own Degrassi or the characters

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Diary,<strong>_

_**I'm getting married! Oh my God, I am getting married. I mean this ring on my finger is huge. It's so hard to get it into my head that in a year I will be Mrs. Martin. And we have already made some decisions. Alli is going to be my Maid of Honor and one of Jakes college friends Dean is going to be the Best Man. We are getting married on the 18th of August at the abandoned church which isn't actually abandoned anymore it got rebuilt about a year ago. And since its October now, that means that I have ten months to organize a whole entire wedding! Breath it's okay, I'm gonna get it done in time.**_

_**Another thing that we have organized is the engagement party, which is on tomorrow night. We are going to have it at the Dot as a matter of fact and we've invited a lot of people from Degrassi, including Adam, Jenna, Katie and Mo. Even K.C traveled from British Columbia to come to the party. I got together with Alli and we made a little photo presentation about both Jake and I from birth to now showing that we were meant to be together.**_

_**I feel horrible for not letting Eli know that I was getting married but he's in his last year I NYU and after everything that we've been through I don't think that he would be happy to see that I was marrying Jake. To be honest I feel like this whole wedding wouldn't be complete without Eli but it was a choice that Jake and I decided and I have to deal with it.**_

_**I hear Angel crying from her room, I better go see what's wrong.**_

_** Clare **_

_Flashback_

"Jake? Clare?" I could hear my mom coming up the stairs. I tried to pull away from Jake but he wouldn't budge.

"Jake! Jake mom's coming you have to get off! Jake!" I whisper urgently but he doesn't seem to hear me.

"Clare? Are you in there?" I hear mom ask at the door. Crap, crap, crap! I try one more time to move away from Jake but I know I'm too late. So I try to place myself so that they can't see who I'm with.

The door creaks open and I hear my mom gasp. "Clare Diane Edwards!"

Jake finally stops and leans up to see my mom. He smiles awkwardly.

Argh … Jake and I have been sitting on the couch for the past hour listening to mom and Glen yell at us for still being together and for even thinking of having sex.

"It's not like we are actually related, so it doesn't count as incest." I say for about the sixth time in the past 20 minutes.

"It's still wrong!" My mom screams.

Glen steered my mom away to talk quietly. Jake turned to me.

"Clare, maybe …" Before he can finish our parents walk back up to the couch.

"Jake, Clare, we have decided that we not going to stop you guys from dating anymore. You are old enough to know who you want to date but we want you to take in this one thing." Glen takes his time to look us both in the eyes. "The longer you two stay together, the more you will get judged on your ethics in life."

And with that mom and Glen went upstairs to their bedrooms.

"Well that was awkward." Jake seemed to be uncomfortable. "Um … Clare?"

"Yeah, Jake?" I answer.

"I think my dad's right. We are going to get judged if we stay together. So maybe we should take a break and think about if us as a couple is worth all the looks and comment we are going to get."

"Wait, is this really because of what other people think or because you can stand to disappoint your dad?"

"Why should it matter, it doesn't change the fact that what we are doing IS wrong and we can't deny that." He reaches out to touch my face but I pull away. "I'm sorry Clare, but I can't anymore."

I fall onto my bed hard full with anger over what just happened. I pull my diary out from underneath my pillow and flip through the pages. I stop onto a certain page that has a whole bunch of love hearts on it. It's the last entry that I put in.

_**Dear Diary,**_

_**I think I'm in love with Jake and … I think I'm ready to have sex with him. I don't what has changed from a few weeks ago when he talked about doing it but I really think that I'm ready and I believe that he is the one.**_

_** Clare **_

I felt like grabbing my pen and scribbling it out like a lot of other entries but I promised myself that I would keep them all. I did grab my pen and turned to the next page.

_**Dear Diary,**_

_**Today did not turn out how I hoped it would. Jake and I were really going to do today was the day but we got interrupted, TWICE. And then we had to sit through an hour lecture on how our relationship was so wrong. Then, to make it even worse, Jake broke up with me. Well he said a break but everyone knows that that means a break up. Why did it have to be today that everything went bad? And I'm worried about Eli.I just hope that he's okay.**_

_** Clare **_

I finish up and close diary. I truly was worried about Eli, he hasn't been the same since the incident, always a little bit distant and cautious around me. I had thought about talking to Adam about but I decided against it putting it to just getting back into things. I think I might text Adam to warn him about it.

* * *

><p><strong>AN** Sorry for the crappy writing but i tried my best :)


	5. WORRIED

**A/N** Pre-prepared chapter, high five for being able to write quickly wooooh

Can't believe we have to wait until June for the Season finale. I can't wait to see Eli dressed as a prince in the carriage eeeep!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Degrassi or its characters

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Diary,<strong>_

_**Well that was a very eventful night. The engagement party went really well apart from there being an uninvited guest.**_

_**I was able to get a baby sitter for Angel and be ready by the time Jake got home. I was wearing a new dress that I had bought and it may show off a bit more bust than I would normally allow myself to show. Jake seemed to like it though which was good and we set off for the Dot. It was closed off for the night due to the fact that Mo owns it.**_

_**Everything was set up and the food was all ready. After everyone was seated Alli started her presentation. It was really nice and there were quite a lot of laughter in the crowd. Something I didn't know though was that Alli had added in more photos after I left. She decided to add in past relationships that didn't work because they weren't meant to be and one of those relationships was me and Eli. When the pictures of him and me came up it made me feel even worse about not inviting him because he was mentioned but not here.**_

_**When the presentation and the lights were turned back on, the front door opened and closed loudly in the silence. What I saw was a tallish figure in all black walking quickly towards the parking lot around the corner.**_

_**I knew that it was Eli but I wasn't going to announce my suspicions to everyone so I kept quiet. Everyone was in a buzz about the mysterious person for quite some time afterwards. I had gone to Adam and asked him if he knew about the engagement and Adam had said that he didn't know and he hadn't told him, so I guess it's going to remain a mystery as to how he found out.**_

_**Well I'm tired after all this excitement and I may be just the slightest bit drunk so I'm going to say goodnight to Jake and put Angel to bed.**_

_** Clare **_

"Don't worry, E is at my place. We've talked about what happened, pretty sure things are going to be okay."

It's about 11:15 when I get a reply from Adam. I had sent a text telling him about what had happened two and a half hours ago and I was starting to get worried. The text was short and wasn't quite what I expected but at least I knew that for now everything would be okay. I think.

I feel tempted to text Eli but I don't want to upset or anger him any more than he may already be. I think it would be better if I texted Adam back to see what really went on tonight.

"Hey, is he okay? I don't really understand what happened, why was he at my house? Please tell him I'm sorry that he had to see that."

_Message Sent! _I lightly threw my phone against the stack of pillows at the head of my bed and waited patiently for Adam to reply. After the first ten minutes of checking my phone every 30 seconds, I got up and started pacing through the space between the foot of the bed and the wall. Why did Adam always take so long to text back? It is so frustrating!

When the light bell rang letting me know that I had a new message I jumped onto my bed and snatched up my phone. It was Adam but the message wasn't the long informative message about what happened that I was expecting. It was a message with a few sentences and a quick goodbye.

"It took me so long to reply because I didn't know if I should tell you anything and just let Eli tell you when he is ready but he is okay for now. He fell asleep on the couch in the basement and I didn't want to wake him up. He came to the house to get his phone cause he thinks he left it, but he didn't get it before he left so if you find could you give it back to him. Anyway I have to go sorry. Bye "

I let out a small breath, at least he was okay for now and sleeping it off. But the bluntness from Adam is a bit unnerving. What is it that he thinks he can't tell me? What is it that I don't know already? What is it that Eli has to tell me that is so secretive? Argh, my head hurts too much from all this drama it think I might just lay down for a little bit.

I place my phone on the bed-side table and get into my pajamas. As I'm lowering my head down onto the pillow there is a knock on the door.

"Please don't be Jake; please don't be Jake" I chant quietly, but I raise my voice up anyway to say "Come in."

The door opened slowly and mom walked in. "I wanted to talk about what happened earlier tonight."

I sighed unhappily. "Okay."

**ELI P.O.V**

I opened my eyes slowly and painfully. I must have cried myself to sleep. I looked around my room and noticed that it was lighter than normal. Then I realized that I wasn't at actually at home but was still at Adam's. "I must've fallen asleep on the couch" I thought to myself as my vision started to become clearer. I felt like such a girl for talking to Adam about what happened tonight and telling him that I still had feelings for Clare.

Now that I think about he didn't seem surprised at all that I still had feelings for Clare, I guess he must've hoped that we would get back together one day. I got up and made sure I had my keys and jacket. I snuck out the back door and jumped into Bullfrogs car. I wasn't going to stay at Adams to talk about my feelings in the morning so I thought it best to leave.

I don't know what I'm gonna do about Clare and all these emotions that seemed to have come running back over the past few hours. Even thinking about her now I could feel a pain in my chest knowing that she was with Jake and wanted to do THAT with HIM.

I back out the driveway and start to drive down the street. I guess I'll deal with Clare when I have to, for now I think I'll just avoid and ignore both Clare and these emotions.

**CLARE P.O.V**

_**Dear Diary,**_

_**Mom came in trying to make me understand where here and Glen are coming from and I told her that Jake and I broke it off. She tried to hide it but I could see in her eyes that she was happy that it was over between us. As our conversation was wrapping up I thought about telling her about Eli and I started to but I couldn't bring myself to talk to her about Eli because I know that she doesn't like him. Gosh this day has been so draining, I was hoping that it would have been more physically draining but it wasn't it was way too emotionally draining. Finally time for bed though yay.  
><strong>_

_** Clare **_


	6. THE AGREEMENT

**A/N **Okay so I know I haven't posted in a really long time and I'm sorry, but I thought that in spite of season 13 starting on the 11th of July, I thought that a new chapter was in order.

I liked the finale of Season 12 but I don't know about Clare having cancer, but I guess they needed a new piece of drama, right? I really hope that Clare tells Eli if she does have cancer because they are so cute together and I'm hoping that we find out about her condition in the first couple of episodes. And I don't know about Cliff he seems like a bit of a shady character (even if he may not be in Season 13). And Eli looked so cute during the whole episode OMG. What do you guys think, maybe leave your opinions in the reviews.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Degrassi or any of the characters used in this story

* * *

><p><strong><em>Dear Diary,<em>**

**_This wedding planning is so tiring. I feel like there is no time for anything other than white fluffy dresses and flowers and churches and invitations … OMG I am so stressed and I have no idea if we are going to get this all done in ten months._**

**_Jake and I have been thinking about not having the wedding at the old abandoned church. There are too many memories of Eli and I being there together and Jake doesn't feel comfortable getting married in a place that was special to me and another guy. This was all sparked up by the photos of Eli and me in the slideshow and the mystery man that crashed the party. Later on during the week, I told Jake that I suspected the gate crasher was Eli and Adam confirmed my suspicions after some texting._**

**_My mom is really happy for Jake and me, which was super surprising to the both of us because she was so upset with our relationship for such a long time. I think it was Angel that got to her. As soon as I told her that I was having a baby, she was disappointed that I hadn't waited until marriage to have sex and that I was stupid to have it unprotected. She didn't talk to me for quite a few months and left me to deal with being pregnant alone for ages. Even Jake had run off when I told him, he didn't think that he could handle it. But when I was about 7 and a half months along Helen came and helped me and talked Jake into coming back and being a good dad for the baby._**

**_We ended up picking Angel because she had the most beautiful face and she was our little angel sent from heaven to keep Jake and I together and eventually lead us to getting married so that we can give her the best life we can. Anyway mom fell in love with her instantly and ever since she hasn't been bothered by the fact that Jake and I were step-siblings._**

**_She is meant to be coming over this afternoon and the house is a mess. I better go clean up or she will start complaining._**

**_ Clare _**

* * *

><p>Seeing Jake at breakfast this morning was really hard. Just because we broke up doesn't mean that the feeling I have for him, the feelings that lead to me wanting to lose my virginity to him, have gone away. I tried to get dressed and eat breakfast as quickly as I could but it seemed that Jake had the same idea, so we had to sit in awkward silence as we both ate our food. I decided to walk to school because I couldn't deal with sitting in the car with Jake as he drove to school, and I was already close to tears being reminded of what happened last night every time I saw him.<p>

When I got to school I saw Eli in the corridor and I swear he turned the corner just to avoid me. I wish that he would just come and talk to me so that we wouldn't have all of this awkwardness. We were becoming the friends that we should have been and now it's all been ruined. And right now I need his friendship, I need a guy's view on how to deal with this and have someone there to lean on. Sure I have Alli and Jenna but I think I need that extra person to be there like he used to be.

I was late for English after lunch because I had to fill in the girls about everything that had happened and we totally lost track of time. Ms. Dawes didn't say anything but it was obvious by the way she was looking at me that I would have to talk with her after class. As I walked over to my seat I noticed that Eli wasn't sitting in the seat behind me but was all the up the back in the corner. I sat down and looked at Adam as Ms. Dawes started talking again. He seemed to know what I was going to ask so he just shrugged and looked to the front of the class, though he did get his phone out of his pocket. So I did the same and turned it on silent.

I'd already taken out my book and started writing notes on the lesson when my phone vibrated. "You gotta give him a little bit of slack. He'll come talk to you when he's ready I promise." I looked over at Adam and then looked at Eli. He was doing his work but he seemed really upset. When we were friends, we had talking about his bi-polar and about how it made his really sad sometimes, so maybe that was it.

I pick up my phone and reply to Adam. "Okay I'll give him some space." _Message Sent!_ I was looking at Adam to make sure that he got the text and when he did I quickly looked back at Ms. Dawes to make sure that she hadn't seen anything. I continued writing down notes and listening to Ms. Dawes half-heartedly, my mind spinning around and around thinking of Jake and Eli and my mom.

It was only at the end of the class that I noticed that I had two texts awaiting my attention. The first was from Adam which said "Thanks :)", the other was from Jake and it said "Hey we need to talk about last night so that things aren't awkward at home like they were this morning. Can you meet me out the back of the school after English?" I sighed and replied with a quick "Yeah" and started packing up my books. I saw Adam stand and go over to Eli and I felt my heart drop a bit because I couldn't leave with the two of them. I stood up anyway and went to walk out the door when Ms. Dawes called out my name. Crap I had totally forgotten that I had to talk to her.

"Clare" Ms. Dawes said as I walked up to her desk, "you do know that this is the 4th time in the past two weeks that you have been late to my class and I cannot tolerate it. If you are late one more time I'm going to have to give you a detention." She said all of this with a sad smile. "And you know that I like you and I wouldn't want to have to do that to you so can you please make sure that you try your best to get to class on time?"

"Sure Ms. Dawes I'll try a lot harder" I said as I took a step back, "I'll see you tomorrow." I quickly went out the door and turned left instead of right and went out the back door to go behind the school. Jake was already waiting there, so I slowed down and as confidently as I could I walked up to him.

**ELI P.O.V**

Trying to stay seated in that class took all the energy that I could muster. She was right there and I swear I caught her looking at me with those gorgeous blue eyes … No I went over this with Adam, I can't have feelings for her cause it will only end in disaster. But those eyes … the very small glimpses of them that I saw showed me that they were full of worry and sadness and all I wanted to do was go up to her and kiss her. Argh! I even went the long way to science this morning just so I didn't have to see her. This is crazy I just wish that all of these feelings would go away. I want the friendship that we used to have and I want to be able to talk with her about anything.

Getting out of that class was such a relief and as I walked away with Adam I could feel my heart slowing down. I didn't realize how much it had sped up when I was around her; I guess she just had that effect on me. These feelings probably won't ever go away but I need to find a way to get over them so that we can be friends again. And maybe one day if I'm lucky, she will break up with Jake and we will have a chance to pick up where we left off, forgetting about all the drama that I had already put her through.

**CLARE P.O.V**

"Hi" He said as he saw me walking up and as he said just that one little word I felt my little façade drop and could feel my face showing all of these emotions that I know I'm going to have to hide. It must have taken me a while to reply because he asked me if I was alright.

"Huh … Oh yeah I'm okay I just got threatened with a detention if I didn't get to class on time so I'm a little worried about that so um what did you want to talk to me about."

"Well I think that we need to figure something out because it was really weird this morning and I'm pretty sure that we can both agree that it cannot stay this awkward if we are going to have to live together. Maybe we can work out a schedule so that we aren't in the same place at the same time? And if one of us has an issue that is going to affect how we live then they need to talk to the other about it so that it's resolved?"

"That sounds okay." He was giving me an opportunity to give any other ideas but I couldn't think of any others. "If I come up with anything else I'll let you know."

"Okay then … Um I'll see you at home Clare." Jake stood up from where he was sitting and turned to walk away but I lightly grabbed his arm to stop him.

"Um can I bring up an issue I have right now?"

"Yeah I guess so" He seemed to be cautious of where this was going to go.

"I just wanted to know if you still had feelings for me like you used to or if Mom and Glen made you realize that you didn't really have any?"

"To be honest Clare, of course I still have those feelings, but Dad and Helen made me see that we were never going to work out because we are step-siblings and it's going to take a while for me to get over you but it is the best thing for both of us." Jake seemed truly saddened by the fact that we couldn't be together and as he walked away I felt tears fall down my face.

_**Dear Diary**_

_**Today was tough, with both dealing with Jake and Eli. But I've come to the agreement that I'm going to give Eli some space so that he can figure some things out and that Jake and I are going to try to be like any other step-siblings. I can see that I'm going to have a tough time over the next few weeks and that I'm going to need some really supportive friends to get through this. But for now all I can do is get a lot of sleep so I can wake up in the morning and be ready for the tough road ahead.**_

_** Clare** _

* * *

><p><strong>AN **I was watching a whole bunch off Degrassi videos today and I somehow got myself onto the Degrassi Mini's and I was really enjoying them. I had no idea that these existed but I am so glad that I found them, they made me laugh and cry and made me really want to watch the whole show again. UH OH!


End file.
